What If You Need More Time?

By Evie Wright  

I walked out of my psychology appointment absolutely defeated. It was my sixth session, and I felt like I was getting nowhere. 

Each week I'd unpack another layer of my story, and each week my psychologist would gently point me toward the "Parts" behind it all. 

My controlling Part who shows up because she’s good at making sure things are running as smoothly as they can and doesn’t trust that we can sit in the not knowing. 

My people-pleasing Part who learnt as a little girl that I’ll be safe if others know I’m agreeable.  

My angry Part who has spent so long being told she’s not allowed to be angry that she bursts out of her cage to prove people wrong.  

I drove home after that appointment determined to meet these Parts and reassure them that I was a grown-ass adult and I didn’t need them to be running the show anymore.    

Looking back now, I smile at how quickly I wanted them to change. How, like everything else in my life, I’d made “making-friends-with-my-Parts” another item on my to-do list to tick off. I'd assumed that six sessions of therapy would undo decades of my Parts working tirelessly to keep me safe. 

If anything, I imagine my Parts were looking at me back then thinking: Mate... you're finally willing to hear us and you're already trying to move us along? 

With the help of my therapist, I was able to slow down and really to get to know some of my Parts and the support they needed from me. But others just weren't ready. It wasn’t the space and it wasn’t the time. And that's okay. 

What I've realized is getting to know my Parts isn't something to rush and they aren’t something in me to fix. They are relationships to tend. 

If you're curious to learn more about Parts and Internal Family Systems, this week's conversation with Dr. Tori Olds is a great place to start.